IRONMAN Lake Placid 2026

The Club sent three athletes into the Adirondacks in July 2026 and received, in return, one second, one visit to the medical tent, and one engagement. Club accountants have reviewed the exchange and consider it favorable. Lake Placid was returned in roughly the condition in which it was found.

Jim finished in 12:00:01. His stated goal had been twelve hours. The Club has examined this result from several angles and confirms that the second in question is real, that it is singular, and that it is not going anywhere. A motion was raised to establish an appeals process. The motion was ruled out of order, on the grounds that a finishing time is a finishing time and that the Club does not round. It will, however, discuss 12:00:01 at length for many years, with everyone except Jim.

Kristen “2 Gearz” LaRue crossed the line and proceeded directly to the medical tent, having elected to leave nothing whatsoever on the course — including the reserves most athletes set aside for walking away from it afterward. The Club does not recognize the med tent as a fourth discipline. The Club notes, without formally scoring it, that she was competitive there as well. She has since been released and remains a member in good standing.

John “JEB” Bell ran his twentieth IRONMAN. Somewhere on the run course, at a mile marker the Club has been unable to establish with confidence, a spectator proposed marriage to him. She was a stranger. John, nineteen and a half IRONMANs into a well-documented inability to decline anything offered to him on a race course, told her she had a deal, and kept running.

He then finished. The Club’s records now carry one outstanding engagement with no counterparty on file. Her present whereabouts are unknown, the last confirmed sighting placing her on the run course, waiting for John to come back around. The Club observes that this is not the first file it has opened on a person whose whereabouts are unknown, and acknowledges that the founder set the precedent. Both files remain open.